Day 2.2: and then life actually does suck.

It's amazing how quick my mood swings can come on and I have absolutely no explanation for them. It sucks for me but I am continuously sorry for the people in my life that I can't even offer a simple explanation to about what's going on. I tend isolate myself because then it is only directly effecting me. Since I don't know what brought on the mood I can't exactly predict if it will be 5 minutes before it swings back again, or 5 days. Despite every bone in my body telling me to be alone, I'm going to try something new this time, put my self out there. Not only on here but starting a book club with some girls. Nothing is better than company and baked goods and booze to look forward to once a month. 

Day 2: Sometimes life just sucks.

Currently the only medication I take is for anxiety at bed time. I tend to be one of those crazy people who are on medication, and think they are magically cured, but in reality it was the medication that was holding them together and once off it they fairly instantly become their old looney self. I took myself of my medication this time for a different reason, more logical I hope, but it wasn't working. At all. So I figured if I had to be out of control, I'd much rather be pretty much medicine free while it was happening.  It's been about a month and I know how dangerous it is to take your medical needs into your own hands, but I seemed to be out of the woods and fairly lucky (lucky in a very loose sense because granted I am still bipolar and a mixing bowl full of surprises each day.) I see a counselor who for once in eight years I feel like can help me. And plus side I'm actually telling her everything that's going on in my life, even the stuff i know she will nicely fuss at me for.  Sometimes life just sucks, a lot. But today has been on for those days I pretty much pass as an average girl wearing purple leggings as actual pants, smiling the whole time. 

Day 1: Honesty is key.

I've been toying with the idea of the whole write a novel in November thing, it has always been something I have wanted to do. I enjoy writing when I get the motivation to so, I constant make stories up in my head to pass time, but realistically I don't need that added stress in my life. Those of you who know me, know that I tend to be a private person with my struggles and that has obviously gotten me no where. So I decided to create a spin on nanowrimo and instead of a novel in 30 days, I will give myself 30 days to jump start a blog. Coming up with this idea on day two in November has already put me in a time crunch but I will hit the ground running.  

Things you need to know about me and what this blog will be:

- I'm 23 and am a professional mom to multiple children who aren't mine. 

- I'm bipolar, anxiety ridden, self harming, and generally out of control on 

occasion.  

- my memory usually spans a week max before it wipes its self clear. 

- this blog will be my life and it's mishaps and hilarity on display in complete            

honesty.

- this blog will be my memoir I could never sit still long enough to write.  

- this blog is for my and is my proactive therapy and way to hold my self 

accountable for all my actions. 

-this blog could be a train wreck so feel free to enjoy the ride.